


a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather

by blazeofglory



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 13:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2070138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve doesn’t remember the day they met. He feels like he should, like every great love story starts with a great beginning. But he doesn’t remember it. It was a normal day in a normal classroom and neither of them remember it. It was so long ago, does it matter? They were just kids. </p><p>They’re not kids anymore.</p><p>[Another multi-chaptered fic that I'll never finish. Sorry!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from Ron Pope's "A Drop in the Ocean."

Steve doesn’t remember the day they met. He feels like he should, like every great love story starts with a great beginning. But he doesn’t remember it. It was a normal day in a normal classroom and neither of them remember it. It was so long ago, does it matter? They were just kids.

They’re not kids anymore.

\--

It is a fact that every child knows that, when you turn 16, the identity of your soulmate is revealed. It comes in the night, when you should be sleeping but are probably too anxious, and the name is seared into your skin as a tattoo. Some say it’s nothing but a tickle, a curious prickling under your skin. Other says the pain wakes you and you scream; though that isn’t common.

Steve’s mother tells him not to worry-- hers didn’t hurt at all. She had slept through the night peacefully, waking late in the morning to a tattoo she had not felt arrive. The thought soothes Steve a little, but only at first. When he lays down to sleep, the last day he is 15, the only words he can think of are Bucky’s: “ _It’s not so bad, really. Stung a little, but it was over quick._ ”

Bucky’s only a few months older than Steve, so he’s had his tattoo for a little bit now. He’s known the identity of his soulmate, but he hasn’t shown Steve, which, y’know, hurts a little. Whoever that person is, they probably don’t know them yet, right? So, there’s no reason Bucky should be hiding it from Steve. They’re best friends, they tell each other _everything_. Steve wonders if Bucky will expect him to show him his tattoo; he wonders if he’ll show Bucky whether he asks or not.

It’s late now, though Steve doesn’t know just _how_ late, only that he has been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling for a very long time. He waits, anxious, for pain. He doesn’t know where it will be-- on his wrist maybe, or his arm, or his stomach, or his leg. It’s different for everyone.

He doesn’t feel a thing. Somehow, he falls asleep.

\--

The whole soulmate thing doesn’t always work out. Of all the stories you hear about the tattoos, this is the one you hear the least. Sometimes, your soulmate does not love you. Sometimes, you love someone else. Sometimes, you don’t even get a name.

When Steve wakes, it’s to the sun just starting to rise. His room is dark and orange tinted, the city sunlight not quite reaching his bed yet. He checks his arms, his legs, and he starts to worry.

It turns out, the name is on the bottom of his foot. And when he sees it, his heart clenches and suddenly, he wants to cry. Given his rotten luck in the world, it really shouldn’t have surprised him that he was an exception.

\--

“Come on, why won’t you show me?” Bucky whines, rolling around on Steve’s bed while Steve sits, perched on the very edge. Steve just sighs in response, because they’ve been having this conversation literally _all day_.

“ _Because_ ,” Steve replies. He levels a glare at his best friend, as if he could really be mad about this. It’s so stupid, and he feels like an idiot; he feels like a joke. Of all the things he doesn’t know about the world, and all the things he thinks he knows, there is one fact for which Steve is certain: Bucky Barnes does not _like_ him. Not like that, not romantically. Bucky likes tall girls with dark lipstick that don’t give him the time of day. That won’t last, Steve knows; give it a year and they’ll be fawning over him.

Steve Rogers is not someone that Bucky Barnes could love. He knows that, has known it for years. He’d hoped, foolishly, that when he got his tattoo, he could have someone else to pin all his hopes and dreams on. He’d hoped… he’d hoped he could forget about his stupid feelings. Someday, Bucky is going to catch him staring, he’s going to figure it out, and he’s going to hate Steve for it.

So, Steve doesn’t tell him. It’s only fair, really, since Bucky still hasn’t shown his either. Eventually, after weeks and weeks of relentless asking that borders on begging, Bucky gives up. For a long time, they don’t mention the word _soulmate_ at all.

\--

Steve tells his mother that he didn’t get a name. He doesn’t have to fake the disappointment he feels-- the crushing feeling of knowing that he will be alone forever. The only hope he’d ever had of being loved _romantically_ was this soulmate thing. Without that… Well, who would want skinny little Steve Rogers? Maybe, well, he’d heard of platonic soulmates before. Maybe that was all he and Bucky were. He could live with that. He would never tell Bucky, though; he wouldn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

He wishes, belatedly, that he’d thought to tell Bucky the same lie, instead of what he’d said instead when Bucky first asked: “ _I-- um, it’s no one we know_.”

Bucky can’t know how Steve feels. He can’t find out about the tattoo. In this whole stupid goddamn world, with so many backwards things, homosexuality was still frowned upon. It made Steve so _angry_ , because if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already that you can’t control who you love, the tattoos should be proof enough. That’s where the phrase “platonic soulmate” had come from originally: when two men got each other. Steve knew that was bull, and Bucky probably did too, but those weren’t things you just _talked_ about. If Steve dared to bring it up, the whole neighborhood would be calling him a fairy by the next day.

He refuses tell a soul. Tattoos can fade, he knows. If your life changes, or if you fall out of love or-- well, no one really knows why for sure. But they can fade. Steve prays that his does. 


End file.
